Sometimes I have my doubts. Specifically, I wonder if I have overestimated God’s grace. Do I count on his mercy and forgiveness too much?
I try to live true to my faith, but I seldom live a day that exemplifies what I understand the life of a disciple should be. I tell God I’m sorry, and I sincerely am, then I resolve to do better tomorrow. I count on Jesus to keep me in right standing with God despite my sins of yesterday and in the face of sins to come tomorrow.
What if Jesus is screaming, “Stop it! Just stop this sin! Where is your faith? Where is your commitment? Where is your love for God? Why do you keep calling me LORD but treating me like a “get out of jail free” card?” What if he’s saying that to me?
I read something this week that helped me. I’m sure the Holy Spirit stuck this in my face so I could stop doubting the degree, longevity, and sincerity of God’s forgiveness. It came from an obvious place – the Bible. I was reading Matthew 26 when verses 31 and 32 fell into alignment for me.
Jesus told the disciples that all of them would desert him. He explained that Scripture foretold their flight. Yes, Jesus knew all along that the disciples’ vows of allegiance would fall short of their conduct. Then Jesus immediately makes a simple statement that changed my doubt into faith. He tells them that he will meet them in Galilee after he has risen from the dead. In my paraphrase, it goes something like, “You all are going to desert me, BUT (despite this desertion) I want to meet up with you after it’s over.”
Jesus knows I’ll fall short just like the disciples, BUT he wants to meet with me anyhow. In my heart, I heard Jesus say, “Phipps, I know you sin, but I still want you with me.”